Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
