Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
she was so not down for the gang bang
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
