Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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