She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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