Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
