I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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