he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
