Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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