Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
