Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
you mean i was at the winter classic?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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