I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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