You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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