i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
