he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
