literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
