I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
