I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
