Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Two words: blizzard sex
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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