One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize