Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
She told me I should be a condom model.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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