If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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