OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
