dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
