woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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