It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
