So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
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We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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