Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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