I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize