see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
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I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
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he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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