At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
