she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
