dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Randomize
