what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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