It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
