I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
false alarm. still invincible.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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