Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Randomize
