I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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