My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
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She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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