pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
