You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
