An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
