Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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