she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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