I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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