I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
