i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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