I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
