I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
