She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize