After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
