Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
