is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
