He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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