Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
