If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
