I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I said "one day" and that day is not today
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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