A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
