i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
