I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
