i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I think we might need a safe word for this...
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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