Screwed.edu
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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