ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
