There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
