every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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