He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
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