you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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