I wish I could teleport
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
