'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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