He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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