I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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